I decided I need a mental pick me up... What better way than to for the first time in a while sit myself down and make myself think of things I want to do? Little things, big things, dreams and goals of all kinds. It doesn't matter if they can't work together or not. Who cares, right? Life is meant to be lived. And I want to live it.
I'm pregnant now... 6 months along or so. I'm due December 28th :) It's going to be a boy, we're naming him Aedric.. and I'm not giving him up without a fight.
The oddest little things make me happy. Just stray thoughts, rolling around in my mind. Having candles on my "altar" in high school. Making macrame necklaces. Going for walks under the beautiful trees here, and in NY. For some reason, going to the store to get food for meals, and making it a game to see what I can get for the least money.
Beautiful, bright, vibrant, multicolored shirts. Complimenting people. Thinking about the future. Looking at the sky, at people around me, observing, thinking, noticing.
Living.
I have goals, dreams, ambitions, just like anyone else. Like other people, I keep them to myself.. And I find myself now, wondering why? Why is it that we hold what is dearest to us closest to our chest, hiding it from those who pass by? How many opportunities do we miss out on because we were too afraid to let go? I am going to try not to do that anymore.
I have so many little ideas for ways to make money, or make a difference. Ways to try to change the way people see the world, see each other. Part of that is my photography. I need to get some batteries soon, because I really want to start a few different projects.
I do still intend to do Project Identity. I might start at TPI, get to know some of the regulars there. I need to come up with a short questionnaire for them. I want to try to change the fact that people still see the homeless as a vast number of nameless, faceless people. I want to try to change the world in a little tiny way. If even a few people change their views, I've made a difference. Either way, I will still have made a difference in a few people's lives.
I want to take pictures all around the world. I want to travel. I want to live near Seattle.
-I want to start a video game project with some friends, but I don't know how. I have the perfect scatterbrained anal retentive brain to be able to think vast and detailed. I want to try to bring people together on all these different projects. In this one I'd need writers for character profiles, bosses, I'd come up with the general plot myself. I'd need artists for the landscape, the bosses/bad guys and the NPCs and all the other stuff. I'd need to come up with quest lines etc... And I really, really want to. I just don't want to if no one else would be interested in helping me.
-I want to get my book started. I don't know where to begin but that is an amazing story, and I really want to write about it.. I just have to develop a work style, something to do every day, something different to keep me interested. Maybe I'll do that first, come up with the questions I have for myself.. Or maybe it'd be best to start yet another blog and just... let it all out. Let people ask me questions and form homework for myself for the next day. Whatever it is, I have to actually DO something and STICK WITH IT.
Another thing I want to do is help people understand their own dream and meditation symbolism. Maybe make a daily blog or something (or maybe weekly) to give people a starter for their meditation, and then have the people come together to share what they saw, or send me what they saw, and I could help them learn to interpret it? Hmmm...
I want to be a bestselling novelist, and live up in the woods somewhere in a cabin, close enough to the city and stores to be able to shop with ease, but far enough away from humanity to feel refreshed, safe, calm.
I want to start a homeless shelter/day program.
I want to go to college for Psychology. Sociology. Physics. Writing. I want to learn. I want to grow.
I want to be a good mother :)
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